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The Great Ocean Road: Play by Play, Minute by Minute

12 apostles australia

Synopsis: Three Canadian girls, get their hands on a borrowed (no, not stolen, truly borrowed–come on, now) vehicle and head out in search of the oh so anticipated wonder of the Great Ocean Road. They were all a little tired, but hungry for adventure.

Cue scene. 

12:11 PM
Off we go! Bye bye Melbourne. Hello Great Ocean Road. This SUV is da bomb. Yeah baby. Let’s go find these Apostles.

12:24 PM
We should stop for gas. Oh and I need coffee. And let’s get Chicken-flavoured chips, and some beef jerky. Because what’s a road trip without jerky, right?

12:50 PM
Beach! Wow. Australia is so beautiful. It’s crazy windy and not very warm… But look! This is magnificent. And what a cute little surf town. I could handle spending the night back here after our road trip.

1:07 PM
This is the place they shot Point Break. Keanu and Patrick have both been here. Oh my gosh–so cool. *recite favourite movie quotes*

bells beach australia

2:28 PM
Let’s stop at this lighthouse. It’s kind of cool. And while we’re here, let’s take a quick bathroom break. There’s a sign for toilets this way.

*4 minutes later*
Okay so apparently there are no toilets here. Time to pop a squat. Stand guard!
HURRY UP
*two men walk around just in time to see a bare white ass shaking itself dry*
#ClassyLikeThat

3:15 PM
Another great scenic outlook. Take a pano! Oh my gosh we have so many amazing photos!

3:17 PM
The nausea is killing me. So many frickin twists and turns. Why can’t this road be a little straighter?

3:32 PM
HOLY CRAP!! KANGAROOS!!! *screams and yelps and aggressive veering off the road to pull over* There they are! Hopping away in the distance. So cool. Let’s compare photos with the other tourists. Wow. Kangaroos! Now we just have to find koalas.

kangaroos australia

4:42 PM
I’m gonna puke. This is not okay. Is there a store coming up? I need ALL the Gravol.

5:09 PM
There’s no Gravol but there’s some natural nausea remedy. And lemon lime and bitters soda pop, a favourite local hangover cure. Oh, and candy. Shit, this candy is so good. Let’s buy more. Hell, let’s buy all of it. And a stuffed koala.

6:12 PM
Okay, where the hell are these apostles?!

6:21 PM
Jesus, we are still 30 minutes away. I hope we make it while it’s still light out, FFS.

6:31 PM
There is NOTHING good on the stupid radio.

6:37 PM
15 minutes still! How?! I am dying. This drive needs to end right now. Over it.

6:45 PM
Map it again. How far? 6 minutes! Omg I can’t deal. I need to pee so bad.
I feel like I might hate the apostles so much for being so far away.
Positive thinking, ladies. Come on now.

6:51 PM
Relief.

6:55 PM
Whoa. Wow. Oh my goodness. Holy. Wow. This is… Amazing. I can’t believe we made it. I can’t believe we’re here. I can’t believe how windy it is. But wow. This is spectacular.

IMG_4073

7:25 PM
*back in car*
I look like I’ve been to war.

7:26 PM
So we’re taking the much faster inland route back, right? Okay good.

End scene.

The tips we have to offer you before you embark on your own Great Ocean Road adventure:

  • Pack Gravol
  • Pack Ginger Ale
  • Pack snacks
  • Pack warm clothes. It’s super windy out there on the water.
  • If you can, break up the day by stopping and overnighting somewhere. There were a bunch of super cute towns and such along the water.
  • Do it one way, but opt for the inland route on the way back. It takes less than half the time and the drive is much less treacherous.

But definitely, definitely do it.

Happy travels.

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