First real day off work since June 30, 2014. Starting a company is sort of like having a baby. It’s everyday. Until the baby is old enough to be left in the care of someone else. Someone else you can trust to care for that baby the way you would, or perhaps even better. It’s scary to leave, but after that long without taking a real break, you know you need it. That you’ll be better for it. That other areas of you and your life and your experience need attention to. You know this will make you better when you come back. And will make you a better leader. And even a better person. So you train and you coordinate and you write out processes and have calls and draft emails and then you go.
You sign off.
And all of a sudden you’re REALLY in Bali. Like fully here. And it’s one part terrifying and two parts magnificent with almost a sprinkle of loneliness. You think about something so much for so long, and then you stop, and you almost feel empty for a second. And then you realize the beauty of this is that now, you get to fill that emptiness up with whatever the hell you want.
And that’s a beautiful fucking feeling.
This day my kind of perfect.
Morning of sharing. Forcing yourself out of your comfort zone and extending yourself beyond asana to talk about truth and non hoarding and non harm and how to live and how to see the world. It’s a welcome luxury to afford oneself with the kind of time and energy required to dive this deep and reflect this way, and here we all are, gifting ourselves this.
Morning practice during sunrise, GF banana pancakes (shaped more like deviled eggs and still this peculiar shade of green I can’t explain).
Midday discussions on the steps, sweating gloriously and unattractively, but unable to move because to change this moment in time could take away from it, and it was too rich with connection to bear even the thought of that. So we stayed and talked on and cracked open a Bintang on the bench to cool down.
Talk of passions over dinner. Of things that are geeky and secret and get us so excited our hands start to flail and our eyebrows dance up on our foreheads as we compare stories. New faces. New inspiration.
We talk of love. Of being big and bold. Of taking chances. Of finding it and losing it and questioning it. Of how fucking complicated it is sometimes. And how beautiful too.
I will go back to my baby, my company, my life, in less than a week, and I will do so with heightened awareness and excitement and new perspectives. I am not perfect, so I will likely lose myself in it once again, and feel the weight of it on my shoulders, in my life, once again. But I will read this entry, remember this day, these moments, and take action to find a day like this once again. Because we all need days like these. And I’m so grateful for today.